It's Raining Again
by M.M. Neal
Summary: (Inspired by It's Raining Again by Staind. I suggest listening to it as you read.) Rick has finally made his choice between Jessie and Michonne and Michonne is left hurt and scorned. This is a one-shot that follows the pain that is felt by Michonne and Rick as they deal with the wall that is forming between them.


**It's Raining Again**

Michonne sat with a desolate yearning in her heart. It was one of those feelings that hardly had any feeling, but it's presence was insanity. She closed her eyes for a moment and held her breath.

The wind felt cool against her skin. It was as if every pore on her body opened and allowed the air to whistle through her in attempt to cleanse her soul of the pain she was feeling. She let out her breath and opened her eyes once more.

The wind, she realized, would not take it away. Nothing could. There was an emptiness in the hope she held within herself and she cringed at it. All in all, she had reached the conclusion that she could no longer sit for she would drown.

She stood up and walked away from her post. The night did not scare her anymore; it was more comforting now. The sinister trees outstretched their hands and brushed her bare arms, leaving small marks but she continued on anyway.

Alive, but unwell, she trudged till she saw the faint gates of Alexandria. Why she left... That was unbeknownst to herself. She wondered at times. But it hurt too much to think.

At their watch tower, she saw a person, aiming a gun at anything that moved. Sasha, she assumed.

Michonne crouched around, edging more towards the gate to get a better look. It was Sasha, but Rick was up there as well. He looked as if he'd lost sleep as he held his gun with little strength. It was as if he was struggling to hold it up.

Michonne felt her chest clench.

"Stop..." She muttered to herself, clutching her chest. The pain of it all came flooding back to her. How could he, how could she, how could they. The love they had was not fictitious. It was very much real and very much alive, but very much unacknowledged by Rick who was now wishing that he could start over.

"Stop..." He muttered to himself as he shook away the feeling of guilt and sleep. He'd never forgive himself for the pain he'd caused. He'd never meant to hurt her.

"What?" Sasha answered not looking back at him.

"Nothing..." He rubbed his neck and sighed. "Michonne's not back yet."

"I know." Sasha frowned and looked back at him. "Does she have her radio?"

"No, all her things were left behind. The only thing missing is her sword."

"Maybe she went hunting." Sasha suggested though she herself didn't believe it. Rick looked out towards the forest and sighed again.

"Better get home... Jessie'll worry."

"Go get 'em sheriff."

"Father God." Michonne sat in the church with all the bitterness of her heart leaking through the depths. "I ask that you guide me on my journey. I ask that you show me mercy. I ask that this pain be taken.

I ask that you grant your protection over Rick and his new family. I ask that his happiness remain. Amen."

"You just get back?"

The voice she knew all too well came from the doorway but she didn't jump. She'd heard him enter.

"Why are you awake?" She rose slowly but didn't turn around.

"Aaron wanted to go on a run early." Daryl made no attempt to move towards her, shifting slightly to lean on the doorframe. "And you?"

"I've been back for a few hours." She picked up her sword and turned to him. "Move please."

He complied with her wishes and moved aside. She inwardly thanked Daryl for understanding and stalked out of the small room.

"He was worried about you, ya know." He called after her, causing her to stop in her tracks. She felt that heaviness on her chest and took a small breath before continuing on.

 _I know._

"You always seem so distant nowadays." Jessie wrapped her arms around Rick's torso as he sat staring out the window, at the gate. It was eleven p.m. and sshe still wasn't back yet. His stomach churned with unease.

"Sorry..."

"What is it?"

"A lot."

"Wanna talk about it?"

He looked at Jessie's smiling face and couldn't help but give a grin. He gave her a quick kiss.

"No... No, don't worry your pretty little head over it."

"Well, you know I'm gonna worry regardless. I love you." She pecked his cheek and walked away. He watched her for a moment then turned his attention back towards the gate. He sighed in relief when he saw her inside and walking along the street towards her house.

They locked eyes for a second and she stopped. Their gaze held for a long time. All at once, everything they'd ever felt for each other hit them.

 _You don't need to be strong._ He'd wanted to say. He wanted nothing more than to apologize. He wanted nothing more than to understand. What was the pain? What was the agony? Tell me so I can fix it.

 _I have to be._ She'd wanted to reply. Because that pain of losing that one person that you gave everything to is excruciating. It's like drowning everyday. A broken heart is no longer counting the days you cried because you stopped counting when you ran out of fingers to count with. It's crying and wondering how the hell you still have water left. Its seeing tear tracks on your cheek long after you've stopped crying. It's having nightmares about the person telling you over and over that they've moved on. It's having no reason to wake up because that person that you simply adore will no longer be by your side. It's wondering why your heart is still beating long after you're sure that you're dead. It's wasting away and smiling in their face because they're worth it. It's nearly having a heart attack because they're just holding hands. It's knowing the scars will remain even after you have healed. It's not knowing if you'll ever heal. Its the loss of anything. It's the loss of everything. It's realizing that you have to let go now and move on. It's knowing that you can't.

Love is an unsure thing. You only know it when you feel it. And when you feel it... You want it. You want the joys of it only but everything comes with a price. Everything is pain. But the pain of love goes past physical. It attacks every aspect of your being and drives the air from your lungs till you're in your knees begging and it will hold you down till the day you die. It's sweet whispers and smiles, all the things that fade. But the scars it leaves and the destruction it makes... That is permanent.

Just then, it began to rain, but their eye contact did not cease. The rain blurred her out and that's when the tears began to fall. Before he could comfort her, her eyes left his and she walked away, past her house, past everyone elses, and back to the church.

"Father God..." She spoke softly, aware that Rick was watching her from the doorway. The rain beat down harder. "It's raining again..."

 _It's raining again..._

* * *

 ** _A/N: Hey, so this was just something I wrote because I'm going through really similar stuff right now. It was inspired by not only my pain but by the song 'It's Raining Again' by Staind. Hope you enjoyed._**


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